Self Help # Getting people think your way

We often encounter situations where in we disagree with others, our views just do not match, we tend to fight over simplest of disagreements, unable to understand why the other person think the way he/she does, in understanding complaints, in getting people understanding our problem, point of view and also in letting our voice stand out and be heard.

We get so engrossed in proving our point and in wanting the other person to be proved wrong that we forget that we a losing a lot. We may lose a friend, customers, trust of the team, our children or our spouse, sore our cherished relationships and the list may go on.

It is important for us to understand the value of learning to deal with people and their emotions, to learn the art of human relationship and importance of interpersonal communication.

Here the Golden rule is “The Best way to win an argument is to avoid it!”

Ahh well this is weird but why can’t we just not get into argument stuff in the first place! We know this sounds difficult for our ‘ego’ and our ‘public image’ or ‘reputation’ etc but if you are successful in not getting into arguments and trying to influence people into getting to think the way you do – you can be a lot more successful, not only professionally but also in your personal relationships as well.

This requires a great deal of working on yourself to develop some habits and will also require a lot of time and effort to get it in to your system but if you manage to do so, we are sure that the results would follow. Here are some tips we found to be helpful in doing so -

a. Welcome the disagreement

b. Listen to the other person first – do not just interfere and keep speaking what you think.

c. Avoid trusting your first instinctive reaction

d. Control your temper and watch your tone!

e. Look for areas of agreement to get to a friendly ground.

f. Be honest

g. Think over the other persons point of view and carefully try to understand his/her case.

h. Avoid getting to conclusions then and there, give and take time to get more perspective and think through the problem.

Let us understand some of the important mantras below, and work towards cultivating these life enriching habits!

1. Understanding the other persons point of view – A formula to swear by.

Try honestly to look things from the other persons perspective. There is a reason why people think the way they do. They may be totally wrong, but they don’t think so!

Only the wise and tolerant people can put themselves in the place of others.

Only they can stop and think how they would react had they been in that place or those circumstances. We all have heard of the popular phrase by Rachel Gardy “Always put yourself in others' shoes. If you feel that it hurts you, it probably hurts the other person, too.”

Cooperativeness in conversation can be achieved if you consider the other person’s ideas and feeling as important as their own. Giving the other person the purpose or direction to the conversation, having an open mind for understanding the others views and idea can work a great deal in establishing a successful conversation.

2. Be diplomatic – don’t just get into proving the obvious or yourself right!

It is always about respecting the other persons views, never just say “you’re wrong” though they may be. It is important to find a middle path; it is important to be diplomatic.

Even if you are sure that you are 100% right, why do you even want to prove it? You know you are right anyways. Somewhere even the other person may also buy your point, but not always will he be liking to be proved wrong.

All this will lead to is more conflict and hard feelings. Why not just let try and be okay with accepting and respecting what the other person thinks! You are not looking to change the persons point of view – just think, can you?

Just put your point out there if it is important to and try to convey yourself in the politest way possible. It is the only thing in your control.

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